An old piece...

Since I haven't had much of a chance to write over the past few weeks I thought I would add a piece here that I wrote in Feb 2010.  It was originally posted as a note on facebook but I recently "re-discovered" it when a student of mine made a comment about it at school.

Enjoy
~DJ

You know, I have to admit that I'm not much on the blogging band wagon. I don't write them. I don't read them. I remember learning back in my high school AP Psych class about a phenomenon called the "Stranger on the Bus" in which people will unveil their entire life stories to a complete stranger and vowing that I wouldn't ever be that person. However, as I sit here tonight in the wake of both tragedy and inspiration I cannot help but throw at least one foot on the band wagon while desperately trying to drag the other through the dirt...

The 2009/2010 school year started with a sour, but all too familiar, taste. Tech lost a beloved student on labor day weekend, another student shortly after, and I lost a prior student shortly after that. In my short career in education I have seen 6 students buried too young...and all to senseless acts of street violence. It's all too easy to chalk it up to "those kids" or "you can't save them all" but I find it harder and harder to buy in to that mindset and find it easier and easier to believe that there is true change on the horizon for our young people.

It is true that I am rarely open about many emotions and hold them inside until they burst out in some sort of emotional storm, which unfortunately, usually comes in the unsightly form of anger. This is the first time that I have sat, wrote, and reflected about the students I have lost in the past.

It is no surprise that music of all kinds drives my life and speaks to me in a way that no other person, book, or blog can. For some reason, as cliche as it sounds, when I reflect on these losses the first thing that comes to mind is the song Changes by Tupac. Despite the street violence that the artist often wrote about, this song is truly a piece of art. In fact, the message is so deep that the Vatican has placed it among it's playlist on myspace.com; among songs of God, world peace, and deep, thought evoking pieces of orchestra.

But really...is that just the way it is? Will things never be the same? The song tells us "we ain't ready to see a black president" and here we are in 2010 defying those odds. What else can be accomplished with the simple message in the closing of the song? "It's time for us as a people to start making some changes. Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live, and let's change the way we treat each other. You see, the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do...to survive."

While I do feel I have the blessed opportunity to make a change each and every morning that my alarm clock goes off, I had the rare opportunity to really make a change this past week. I was fortunate enough to take 47 kids to the Sierra Mountains for a 3 day ski trip. Growing up in the midwest, I have forgotten that snow is a rare sight for so many of the students I work with. In fact, as I grew up snow was taken for granted...even became a nuisance.

At the end of each day all 47 students and 4 of my colleagues held a fake microphone to our mouths and told the rest of the group what our favorite part of the day was. There are 2 quotes that will stick with me for the rest of my life. On the first night as the flashlight microphone was passed it found its way into the hands of a very soft spoken asian boy. The words he spoke next will be my inspiration that gets me through until June. "My favorite part of today was seeing it snow for the first time." It is such a seemingly meaningless statement. But to a boy who was born in Asia and has struggled trying to find himself in the streets of Oakland, learn a new language and culture, and feels alone in a room full of people it was a statement he may have never made without the wonderful staff at Tech. How many of us have been privileged enough to see snow? How many of us never get excited anymore when we have to walk out in the morning to brush that snow off our cars? I later saw this young man laying in the middle of a run, goggles off, tongue out, lapping up every small flake that managed to find its way into his mouth. Breathtaking.

The next day I was on a lift with 2 of my fellow staff members and as we exited, a student (we'll call him George) turns around and yells "Ms. Sabella...I'm going all the way to the bottom. I'll see you guys later!" Now, mind you, it is hard to read the emotion in his voice but I am here to tell you that in that moment the senior in high school was suddenly reverted back to an earlier day in childhood. George, with his pants tucked inside his rental boots, goggles crooked on his black helmet, and unzipped coat looked like something of a cartoon...but the smile on his face, the excitement in his voice, and the confidence he carried as he went zooming down the mountain alone was a picture I will not soon forget.

I cannot begin to explain why these 2 events stuck with me so vividly. I'm sure I have heard many inspirational things since I first stepped foot into a school...but it was something about the hearing those words that made water well up in my eyes. Perhaps you understand, perhaps you don't...and perhaps if you are in education yourself it makes more sense to you.

I walked off the bus (albeit annoyed with children for the time being) with a sense of pride, accomplishment, and pure joy. Any of you who know me well know that I am very passionate about 3 things in my life. Family. Teaching urban youth. The outdoors. While I am certain that this trip quenched the thirst for 2 of the 3, I am not so sure it didn't, in part, create a larger family for me. I know that years down the road these students will be talking about the ski trip they took in high school. I know among those conversation my name will pop up and the members of that new found family will laugh, smile, and remember the group of teachers that made such an amazing trip possible for them. I know that I changed some lives this week. I know that this week I helped at least one child believe in him or herself. I know that my friendly words of encouragement helped somebody deal with an unfortunate circumstance that I knew nothing about. I know that I showed a kid that making a mistake is ok. I know that I showed a kid that laughing is the best way to go through life. I know that I showed them life is better when living it behind smiles.

I am inspired.

Busy, busy, busy

Just realized that I have so much to write about...but so little time.  I will try to post again within the next few days as many, many new things have happened.  I finally finish my job as testing coordinator (for a test I do not believe in) this week and my free time will increase exponentially!

Thanks to all of you that have read this blog and e-mailed, texted, called, or otherwise contacted me with your thoughts!  You all are the best...

Rewards, finally.

While teaching is often considered a thankless career there are many moments in which you can sit back and think to yourself "this is why I do it."  Unfortunately, those moments are often clouded by the ever present struggle of trying to provide a fix for the educational inequities that my students face on a daily basis.  My work is never done.  There is always something more I could do, another way to present, another phone call to make.  Exhaustion often sets in before the to-do list is completed and on the rare occasion that the weekend is free of work you often find yourself dreaming about the students and the tasks in the coming week.

Because of this tiring cycle it is hard to sit back and learn to appreciate yourself for what you have accomplished.  Teaching is humbling.  How can I toot my own horn knowing in full that my students are still not where they need, and deserve, to be?  However, since breaking the news to my student I have a new found perspective on my work over the last 5 years.  This perspective did not come from my own desire to be appreciated, but rather from a series of letters written to me during class last Friday.  Every week my students spend 5 or 10 minutes writing a quick letter to me.  This is an opportunity for them to tell me anything they want to get out.  Some students tell me they are simply going to play video games all weekend.  Some reflect on their week and if they accomplished their weekly goal.  Some tell me their deepest, darkest secrets in hopes that I can provide some guidance.  Others simply tell me they have nothing to write about.  It is through these letters that I have gotten to know my students and figure out what makes them tick.  However, this week was different.  This week most of them reflected on the news that I gave them and had some amazing words to share.  This is one of the few times I have been able to truly sit back, relax, and enjoy the rewards that are presented by my students.  Below, I have chosen to display some of my favorite letters from Friday's assignment.  The letters are written verbatim so any grammar or spelling errors are intentional.

"Dear Mr. C,
It really sucks that you are leaving from Tech.  You have been my favorite teacher this whole school year, and you have been the one I felt motivated me to come to school everyday.  You make me feel everyday I should want to come to school, graduate, and go to college to make something out of myself.  I feel that I get more support from you when I do good in school then I do from my family.  I just want to say to you that you are a wonderful teacher, you do a wonderful job at teaching us, and I thank you so much for being here and being the wonderful person that you are.  I have learned so much from you this year!  Thank you Mr. C.  I hope you believe in yourself as I believe in you.  I will miss you alot.  I am thankful for having you this school year.  Love you Mr. Cervantes.  May I saw that you are the best and I will miss you alot.  Thanks for being here."

"Dear Mr. Cervantes this week was very "exciting", and I am going to miss you so much.  I hope your life is happy and comfortable in Boston.  Be encouraged!  Mr. C and keep your head up"

"Dear Mr. C, I'm really sad that you are leaving us next year.  I hope you have a nice life in Boston.  Hope you think about me alot."

"Dear Mr. C,
I am so sad that you are leaving this year.  You were one of my favorite teachers.  You taught me alot this year that I would've probably never knew.  I love you Mr. Cervantes <3."

"Dear Mr. C,
After you told us that your moving I'm really going to miss you :(.  You ARE my best teacher at tech and I'm really dissapointed that its you leaving but I do understand your reasons."

"Dear Mr. C,
You really care about us and I respect your decision.  I hope you have a nice life in Boston!"

"Dear Mr. C,
This week was fine.  I was very sad that you told us that your leaving but I'm also happy that your doing something for yourself and to better your life! :) :).  So yea good luck!! and congrats on everything!!"

"Dear Mr. Cervantes:
this week was so long I was sick & then you give bad news.  I was really upset that your leaving.  even though my mom doesn't know you I talked about you so much to her & she feels like your leaving her too, but I'm happy we got to spend some emotional & enemotional times together. SMH!"

"Man, Mr. C it will suck like just suck when you leave.  No more coming up here to visit because your not here.  Your really gonna be missed.  I'll find you on facebook.  I wish you the best Mr. C.  Hope you have fun out there in Boston."

"Dear Mr. C,
I'm sad that you're going to leave, but i want you to be happy :)  I hope that you'll never forget about this class b/c we sure will miss you."

"Dear Mr. C,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm very upset you have to leave this school/community and move to Boston.  I wish their was a way you wouldn't have to leave.  I'm going to miss you Mr. C, and I know its so hard to say goodbye to a students like YA BOI  (LOL)"

"Mr C i feel like you been a great teacher and friend to me this year.  i know it hard for you to leave us but its what you need to do.  All i wont from you is to come back and check up on me and tell me about your life.  i going to miss you old man"

"Dear Mr. C -
Can I move in with you when you go to Boston?  Can you adopt me?  I think I should be your personal stylist.  I can make you look super duper kool with a capital "K" N E ways how's life? ALRIGHT IM GONE peace, love, & tacos"

They are so amazing.  I've been getting lots of visitors since the news is spreading.  I think tomorrow I will count how many students come to give me a hug.  It seems to be increasing exponentially as the news spreads.